After ending a video call with my family, my husband turned to me and asked, “Why is it that every time you talk to them, it’s always about money?” It seemed like a simple question. But it struck me hard. I paused and then I realized that he was right. A Filipina breadwinner’s quiet struggle runs deep and is for real. This is truly a Filipina breadwinner’s struggle.
I sat there in silence, because the truth hit deeper than I expected. And for the first time in a long while, it made me ask “When will it be okay for me to keep something for myself?” Such thoughts are common in a Filipina breadwinner’s quiet struggle, where personal sacrifices are often hidden.
Why Is It Always About Money?
There has never been a single call with my family that did not involve money whether it is for electricity bills, rice planting expenses, food for the pigs, medical emergencies, school needs for my nephews and relatives asking for help for various reasons. There is always something urgent. Always a need. It’s endless. It’s exhausting. But it’s also something I never questioned. I always responded, reflecting a Filipina breadwinner’s quiet struggle.
I was raised in a poor Filipino family. And like many daughters in situations like mine, when I started working, I became the default breadwinner. I gave them everything. Not because I was forced to but because I wanted to give my family a better life. I wanted my parents, siblings and nephews to experience even just a little comfort. A life where they didn’t have to worry about where the next meal would come from or how to pay the next bill. I wanted to give back. Every payday felt like it wasn’t mine. I would set aside just enough to survive, and the rest is gone in a day. I’d send it home, hoping it brought them joy, relief, and comfort.
When Will It Be Okay for Me to Keep Something for Myself?
But now that I’m married, I’m beginning to see things from a different lens. It’s not that I regret helping, I still want to, I always will. But for the first time in my life, I’ve been forced to ask when will it be okay for me to keep something for myself? It’s a strange feeling of loving your family so deeply but slowly realizing you’ve been pouring from an empty cup. I’m tired, emotionally, mentally and physically. I suppress my own feelings just to keep going. The struggles of a Filipina breadwinner are real and demanding, but acknowledging a Filipina breadwinner’s quiet struggle is crucial.
I have spent years working not for my own dreams, but for survival not for me but for the ones I loved. I’ve never really saved myself. I delay my own dreams, hesitate even over small things like treating myself to fast food. I survive on eggs and noodles and when they see me eating same thing again, I laugh it off and say, “I just miss Filipino food”. My family happily dines at Jollibee or McDonald’s, and I smile when I see their photos because they deserve happiness especially when I think back to how we could not afford that growing up.
I often skip little joys like buying things I want for myself just to make sure I have enough to send them home—a real aspect of a Filipina breadwinner’s struggle. It is not because I have no choice, but because I have always put my family first. I stopped thinking about what I needed. I’m not angry. But tired. I just wish they would ask me how I really am. Not the shallow, routine “Kumusta ka?” but how I am really doing, a sincere check-in. The kind that sees me not as their provider, but as their daughter. A sister. A person.
The Hidden Cost of Being a Filipina Breadwinner
I’ve realized that being a breadwinner, especially as a woman, often comes with silent sacrifices. You become the hero, but also the forgotten one. Everyone sees what you give, but no one asks what it’s costing you. A Filipina breadwinner’s quiet struggle means carrying love in one hand and a burden in the other. It is something to be proud of but also consuming.
Marriage didn’t stop me from wanting to help. But it opened my eyes to the person I’ve been neglecting, my own self. I am also learning to be honest about how I feel. To admit when it’s too much. I’m learning, slowly to take care of myself. I am thankful for my husband for making me see things more clearly while supporting and loving me unconditionally. Understanding a Filipina breadwinner’s quiet struggle helps in sharing the burden.
To My Fellow Breadwinners
I see you.
You are not selfish about wanting something for yourself.
Treat yourself!
You are not bad for setting boundaries.
I feel your weight.
You are not weak for feeling exhausted.
Take care of yourself.
You are human, generous, strong, loving but you are just human, nonetheless.
Maybe one day, our calls won’t always be about money. Maybe they will be about laughter, stories, and updates that don’t come with a price tag. Until then, I am learning, and I hope you are, too, in dealing with a Filipina breadwinner’s quiet struggle.
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